That Moment When It's Not Taxidermy
by RedAlert98
Summary: The troublesome trio face an owl in Wayne Manor, and totally keep their cool; inspired by the video of some guy trying to get an owl out of the window by using a swifter - Humor, Friendship, Roy, Wally, Dick, Rated T for swearing


"So apparently my dad also had a thing for redheads," Dick informed his two redheaded friends, as they all lounged in the main living room of Wayne Manor.

"But your mom's hair was black," Wally commented, confused.

"Geez Wally, he's not going to not marry the love of his life just cause her hair doesn't go along with his fetish!" Roy exclaimed, shaking his head.

"Hey, it's not a fetish!" Dick insisted, straightening up from the couch as he got defensive.

"Dude, you have a fetish, and if your dad was just as fascinated with red hair as you are, then he obviously had a fetish too," Wally explained, like he was talking to a small child. Dick just pouted and fell back into the cushions again.

"Well now you're just making it sound weird," he grumbled. The three of them fell silent for a few minutes, busying themselves with their phones and ignoring the homework that they were supposed to be doing. It was already midnight and they had nothing done.

"Ew," Wally suddenly said as he looked at the top of one of the bookshelves.

"What now," Dick asked, not glancing up from his phone and expecting Wally to be complaining about the human reproductive system again.

"Nothing, I just didn't know Bruce was into the whole taxidermy stuffing a dead animal thing," the redhead replied.

"Ya, me neither," Roy added, looking at the same thing Wally was now.

"Huh? He's not," Dick informed him, looking at them both now in puzzlement, and then followed their line of sight up to the top of the bookshelf.

There was an owl, perfectly still, perched on top of the bookshelf; Dick was completely bewildered as to why Bruce would add a stuffed owl as part of the interior decorating. Poor bird. There were several endangered owl species, what would possess Bruce to use one for a decorating piece?

It was at that moment the owl turned it's head and looked directly at the three boys. They all jumped back, Wally exclaiming, "IT'S ALIVE!" while Roy cursed and Dick yelled, "Demon owl!"

"What do we do?!" Wally continued to shout, while Roy was on his own tirade about "How in the hell did it get in here!"

"This is your fault, Wally!" Dick exclaimed, to which the speedster replied, "Why do you automatically blame me?"

"I dunno but I'm sure it's somehow your fault!" Dick yelled as he ran out of the room, only to come back less than a minute later wearing chemistry goggles and wielding a broom.

"What are those gonna do for us?!" Roy belittled him, holding a pillow up as a weapon; Wally had chosen a lamp as his.

"Stuff it Roy!"

Wally suddenly shrieked as the owl flew off of the bookshelf and onto the ledge above the window, with curtains on either side of it.

"Don't hurt it!" Dick yelled at them, and slowly started to move towards the window with the bristle end of the broom extended.

"Hello Mister Owl, are you -AHH!"

"Holy SH*T!"

"DUCK!"

"NO YOU IDIOT IT'S AN OWL!"

The owl was flying around while the trio panicked, but when it landed, it miracuously landed on the end of the broom.

Dick was muttering in his native language a consistent string of what Wally and Roy recognized to be expletives, until saying, "Wally, very slowly go open the window."

The speedster went to do so before announcing…"Dude, it's already open. I forgot to close it earlier…"

"Dick," Roy said, "Spare the toldyaso, and start moving the damn bird towards the window."

"Thank goodness we have you here to tell us these things Roy, cause I never would have come to that conclusion myself," Dick quipped in a low voice as to not scare the owl, which his eyes were locked on.

Dick slowly started moving the broom towards the window, monologuing to himself; "It's okay, buddy, it's okay, stay cool I'm not gonna hurt you, please don't fly, please don't fly pleasedontfly, ohhhh no, oooh my gosh, please dont give that look, don't do that, OOH. MY. GOSH. heeEY!"

The owl has spread it's wings a little, and was almost halfway out the window; it didn't take off though, but just kept it's huge, unblinking eyes staring at Dick, who was still monologuing:

"We're doin good, no don't fly, doooooon't flyyyyyyyyy…." The owl, who at that moment Wally announced they should name Howard, was riding on the end of the broom out the window, into the seemingly endless black void…

Dick slightly shook the broom and the owl took off, disappearing into the night; this elicited a scream of "HELL YES!" from Dick, a bout of laughter from Wally, and Roy, who must have been holding his breath, exhaled and muttered all the breath and thoughts from the last 4 minutes that he'd been holding in.

Throwing the broom down, Dick quickly closed the window, and then turned to glare at Wally.

"Um," the redhead sheepishly shrugged, "Whoops?"

"Gimme the broom," Roy said to Dick.

"Why?"

"I'm gonna smack Wally with it."

* * *

 **Hello everyone! Thanks for sticking around for my minimal attendance, oh dear I'm afraid I ain't as good as I once was regarding updates. College is a heck of a thing though :)**

 **So anyway! This was inspired by the video with the owl riding the swifter out of a guy's window XD Hysterical, just look it up on youtube if you're not familiar with it. It will actually add visual and audio to the story, so I highly recommend it!**

 **And btw, Wally totally got smacked with the broom. Lol.**

 **So good news is I will be able to start making videos on my youtube channel again! Only took a year, right?!**

 **My cat is being a holy terror tonight, so this author's note is being cut short. Hang in there guys!**

 **We'll make it I swear...**

 **(finish the lyric lol)**


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